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by njborba
Summary: Steve finally gets Catherine to tell him how long she's planning to stay. Spoilers for 5.25


Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

 **I actually spent most of my weekend working on You Owe Me, and was trying to resist writing anything 5.25 related, but apparently I am weak...**

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 **Home**

By  
N. J. Borba

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"Kono looked really happy today," Steve remarked.

Catherine nodded as they sat beside one another in two white-washed Adirondack chairs perched at the edge of his back lawn - a pristinely green stretch of grass that overlooked the water. The wedding had ended a few hours ago. The reception was probably still going. But the two of them had ducked out early in favor of a quiet evening spent together. It had been far too long since they'd had any time alone to just relax.

"She did," Catherine agreed, "She was a beautiful bride. I'm glad everything went off without a hitch, or… well, you know what I mean," she had to laugh a little. It was always easier to laugh about it after the fact, after everyone was safe. "At least there were no hitches after the whole last minute helicopter flight, exploded nuclear bomb, you and Danny nearly dying part of the day," she concluded, bringing a hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle a yawn.

"You tired?" he asked the obvious.

She gave another nod, "It was a long flight, and then all those hitches I just mentioned."

"Yeah, you dove straight into the case with us," Steve said, admiringly, "You fit right back in with the team," he noted as he eyed the woman seated beside him, recalling the jolt of elation he'd felt upon first seeing her again in his back yard. And the equal jolt of fear that had accompanied his elation. "I know you're meant to say the bride is the prettiest at a wedding, but you… you looked fantastic today. Despite all those hitches in the day you still looked gorgeous," he let her know in more words than 'wow'.

Catherine glanced down at her tank top and favorite jean shorts that she'd changed into after the wedding. She was almost sure her cheeks had turned rosy, like a nervous teenager on a first date. "You didn't look too bad today either." Catherine ran her eyes along his body, the jersey shorts and white t-shirt he'd slipped on when they'd gotten back. "I like you in a suit, even better in a tux. I think it's the bowtie that really…"

"What are we doing, Cath?" he interrupted, a heavy sigh escaping with his question.

She shrugged, "What do you mean?"

"What is this? You just got back from a year living in Afghanistan and now we're sitting here making small talk? Shouldn't we be having an actual conversation?"

A sharp scoff escaped her lips, "That's interesting coming from you."

Steve's brow formed a deep 'v' between his eyes, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You and your cell phone interrupting us every time, your job interrupting… nothing has changed."

"How can you say that?" Steve was immediately on the defensive, "Everything has changed this year, Cath. You show up unexpected and shrug and say you weren't going to miss Kono's wedding? Okay, that's fine. But now…" he trailed off as his phone vibrated against the wooden arm of his chair. Steve sighed as he reached for it and read the text from HPD. He glanced over to see Catherine starring out at the ocean and the ribbons of orange and purple sunset that streaked the sky.

He could tell she was annoyed.

"I'm sorry about the phone," Steve turned it off and waved it in front of her face, "Not just silenced, off," he insisted.

"That's great," she whispered, not even bothering to look at it.

He put the phone down and leaned forward in his chair, elbows resting against his knees as he watched the sunset morph - the colors deepening, "Now are you going to tell me how long you're planning to stay? And don't throw it back on me. You know I want you to stay… you should know that." He turned his gaze upon her again and reached over, resting his right hand atop her left in an attempt to regain her attention, "But I want to know what you want, Cath? Why did you come back here?"

Catherine took a deep breath, comforted by the soft weight of his hand against her. She stayed seated, eyes still focused on the ocean view, watching as the sun slipped further toward the horizon. "I want…" she closed her mouth, lips pursed, uncertainty clouding every word that tried to form, "I want to stop being afraid of what I want," she finally whispered.

Those words were a shock to his system. He'd always seen her as the one with everything together, smart and sassy, knowing exactly what she wanted out of life. "I've never known you to be afraid of anything," Steve was confused, "You jump into stuff head first, including the case we just worked on. What could you possibly be afraid of?"

"Everything," that single word felt like the most vulnerable thing she'd ever uttered. "Loving you… _losing_ you." She finally turned to face him, "I've spent the last year thinking that I could keep you safe as long as I kept my distance from you. But it hurt to get up every morning and not be with you. It hurt not being able to see you and your lopsided goofy grin, or to watch you walk around the house barefoot and cook eggs in your boxers. Steve, I…"

He listened with a heavy heart, and watched as her eyes misted, "Don't stop now."

She wore a smile that was half way between sad and hopeful, gazing into his soulful eyes and daring to go for what she desired, "I came back because I didn't want us to end with a phone call. I want us to end with gray hair on our heads and your lips pressed against mine."

It took him a moment to process what she'd just said - a lifetime seeming to slip effortlessly behind them, but finally a potential future ahead of them. "Cath, you haven't lost me. If this is about what happened in Afghanistan, I would change nothing about our time there. What happened a year ago, yeah, it didn't go so well for either of us. But I would do it all over again just the same if it meant protecting you and those boys," he declared.

"I know," Catherine rubbed a finger beneath her right eye to stop a tear.

Steve sat back in the chair, shifting his hand so their fingers wove together, palm against palm. His eyes remained focused on her and he took a cleansing breath, still nervous about the rest of their conversation, "All this time I thought you'd chosen humanitarian work over me, but…"

"There's nothing I would choose over you," she insisted.

"Then why have you been gone so long?" he couldn't help wonder. "There has to be more to it than being worried about my safety."

"Yes," Catherine admitted to him as much as herself, "I'm afraid of wanting to be with you because you love your job, Steve. You love it so much that it always comes first. Even today it came first over us talking. And I get it. I understand the job, I worked the job. But I guess I just feel like…" she bit down gently on her lower lip, thoughts drifting a little, "When I was in Afghanistan I was performing meaningful work, helping to build a school, helping to better people's lives. But at the end of the day I always stood on the outside of those lives."

"How's that?" Steve was curious.

"Family is extremely important to the people over there," she explained. "They value family over anything else. But as much as Farah and Amir and Najib consider me a friend - as much as that entire village welcomed me in - I wasn't part of their family. And I never could be. I came back here because I want a family. I want to feel like… I want to feel that I'm more important to you than the job. And I know that makes me sound petty and selfish, but sometimes I just want to toss your stupid cell phone into the ocean."

Steve shook his head, a little shocked, also a little regretful. "I guess this is what happens when we don't talk. A year goes by and we…"

"We still love each other," she supplied, hoping it was the right thing to say, but not caring if it was or not. "At least, I know I still love you."

"I've never stopped loving you, Cath," he sighed, wishing for once those words could be spoken without a sigh, or regret, or thousands of miles between them, "You're right. The job is very important to me, but I've put you over it before. Heck, our entire relationship in the Navy was a risky move, putting our feelings for each other over the regulations. I put you above my career when I tracked down El Condor and traded you for those prisoners. I put you over my safety when I went to Afghanistan with you."

"See," she sighed as well, "I told you I was being selfish. Showing up here unannounced and just expecting you to be happy and ready to… you're right, you are absolutely right. When it comes to my life, my safety, I have complete faith that you'll put me above the job. But it should to be more than that, Steve. More than just you willing to save my life. I want you to live life _with_ me. I want us to grow old together and look back and value our time together over anything else."

"Catherine, you're not making much sense. You're already my family," he insisted. "So are Danny and Kono and Chin, but the difference is I don't want to go home to them. When I work a job it _is_ the most important thing to me at that moment. I have to focus on it completely. And I take pride in the work, in protecting the people of this island. But when the job is done, when the day is over… I want this," he squeezed her hand, "I want to go home. I want to go home to you. I can't explain it any better than that."

"You don't need to," she insisted, sniffing back more tears, "I'd like to be the one you come home to, if you can put up with me and my irrational feelings."

"I happen to love your feelings, irrational or otherwise," Steve insisted. He drew her hand toward his lips and kissed the top of it. "Cath, I hope you don't think you're the only person who has ever had a selfish thought or desire. We all have selfish feelings, and they're usually irrational."

She wore an uncertain expression, "But I acted on mine."

He felt responsible for the look on her face, "Cath, I… I've always told myself I was no good at relationships, and I cheated you with that way of thinking. I took for granted that you'd always be around – that I could not commit to you and you'd be okay with it. I convinced myself that I could pick and choose my moments with you, but that's not how a real relationship works. A real relationship is about all the moments, good and bad. I didn't actually realize that until you told me I shouldn't wait for you."

"Steve, you don't have to explain…"

"Yes, I do," he countered. "I've been selfish, too. I've selfishly wished for this all year," his left hand was waved between them, "For you to come back to me. I never told you, though, because I didn't want to be that guy. I didn't think you wanted me to be that kind of guy. You've always been so independent and…" Steve actually smiled, "Maybe if I'd acted on my selfish feeling I would have gone to Afghanistan and dragged you back here. I didn't, because I was afraid, too. Afraid you wouldn't want to come home."

Her heart broke to hear his confession and his fears.

"What I'm trying to say is I'm glad you acted on your selfish desires and came back," Steve concluded.

Catherine smiled even as a tear rolled down her cheek, "So you're thanking me for being selfish? You do realize we have one heck of a messed up relationship."

Steve grinned, "Sure, but at least we're talking."

She laughed at that, "Yes, we are talking," Catherine realized as she glanced at the cell phone on his chair and smiled, "Go ahead."

"Go ahead… what?" he asked.

"Turn your phone back on," she motioned toward it with her free hand. "I know it's probably driving you crazy."

He let go of her hand and snatched the cell phone off his chair arm, "This?" Steve turned and looked her in the eye again, "This means nothing to me, not compared to you…" he got to his feet, still clutching the phone in his right hand. Steve walked a few steps toward the water's edge. The ocean was calm, not even a hint of evening breeze. He stopped and let the water lap against his bare feet, and then he gently tossed the phone into the ocean.

"Steve!" she yelped in surprise, leaping to her feet and darting toward the water. Catherine rushed past him, wading into the water up to her ankles. She spotted the phone and fished it out. Her left hand held it at arm's length as it dripped. Her wide brown eyes were aimed at him as she walked over, sand sticking to her wet feet, "Okay, you have no idea how many times I've actually wanted to do that, but… what were you thinking?" she shook the phone a little, hoping to dry it out.

He shrugged, "I was thinking its waterproof," his lips curved into a smile.

"Oh, you…" she delighted in his crooked grin, though her head shook in exasperation. Catherine tossed the phone at him. "Some gesture."

Steve caught the item with both hands, chuckling softly as the phone continued to drip, "Actually, it _was_ a gesture, because I'd do it again even if it wasn't waterproof. I thought you knew by now, I'd do anything for you." His face turned serious, "Endure months on end while you were deployed… go up against the Taliban in Afghanistan with you, survive a year apart from you. Watch a lame-o chick flick at the movie theater with you. Anything."

Catherine moved in closer and linked her hands behind his neck, fingers threaded in a tight hold, "How about…"

"In a heartbeat," he cut her off, a suggestive wink given.

"No, I wasn't talking about… geez," Catherine gently slapped the back of his neck, "You're such a guy," she observed.

"You say that like it's a bad thing?" he tossed the phone onto the grass lawn near their chairs, knowing the case would protect it. Steve's hands went to her waist as the soft remaining tendrils of sunlight kissed their faces. "Sorry, you had something else in mind?"

Her eyes rolled, "I was going to say, how about agreeing to talk more? Is that something you'd do for me?"

"Absolutely," he gave a slow, agreeable nod, "We can do that. Anything else you want to do now that you're back?"

She quirked her lips and made a show of thinking it over, "Lots of stuff," Catherine finally replied.

"Such as…" he gently prodded.

"Going for a morning run with you," she rattled off a list, "Taking an evening walk along the beach, swimming... and of course surfing," her voice turned more excited than it had been since her return to the island. "I've missed the ocean like crazy. And I'm dying for some sushi," she concluded.

"You're still a horrible tease," Steve pouted.

"I guess there'll be time for all of that later, say… tomorrow?" Catherine shrugged. She was caught off guard when his body shifted, dipping low to scoop her up into his arms. Her arms managed to remain clasped about his neck. She tugged gently, but insistently, at the back of his neck. Her efforts drew him in closer, so close that his lips hovered above hers. She gazed at them longingly as they parted slightly, as if he were about to say something.

There had been a kiss between them earlier in the day, a brief one after he and Danny had returned safely. Just enough to convey their relief. She knew he usually shied away from larger public displays of affection. Hugs were easier to control in the company of others. But now, in the privacy of his back yard - with only the trees and sandy beach to witness, and the warm ocean lapping against their toes – they allowed themselves to get caught up in the kiss.

"Tomorrow, huh?" he whispered softly against her lips, pulling away just an inch, "Tomorrow afternoon… or… tomorrow evening," Steve suggested.

Her stomach did a tiny flip-flop, a feeling she hoped his presence would always bring about, "Or maybe even the day after tomorrow…"

"You still tired?" he asked.

"Not so much at this particular moment," she responded.

He looked her in the eye and smiled contentedly, "Welcome home, Cath."

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 **The End**


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